Trigger Waring: Inferred Abuse & Child Abuse. No details.
Fear has always been a major factor for me. I didn’t have anything near an idyllic childhood and so fear was important. Or rather fear was prevalent. It wasn’t just a fear of not being accepted or not being loved. Some very unsavory options were on the table and had been put there at an early age.
I have worked to face the fear, but my experiences have led me to understand some dark things people are capable of and that people can also be dangerously careless. So fear has kept me alive. But it has not served me in living. And it has most certainly held me back in achieving my goals.
I have worked toward facing my fears and taking steps and making plans. But as much as people say the hardest step is the first one, and as hard as it can be, I find that the follow up is even harder. Keeping on the journey is difficult. Especially if you feel like people disapprove of your chosen goal. Whether they do or not really isn't what matters, but rather the perception you have of what they think. And how they might sound like those same voices that were so unsavory before. Even if the same consequences are not on the table anymore. When those consequences have been on the table for so long, it is hard to truly and wholeheartedly believe that they are not.
So I try to do the things I value over and over again. And failure or rather a lack of complete success makes each attempt to face the fear that much harder.
Fear has always been a major factor for me. I didn’t have anything near an idyllic childhood and so fear was important. Or rather fear was prevalent. It wasn’t just a fear of not being accepted or not being loved. Some very unsavory options were on the table and had been put there at an early age.
I have worked to face the fear, but my experiences have led me to understand some dark things people are capable of and that people can also be dangerously careless. So fear has kept me alive. But it has not served me in living. And it has most certainly held me back in achieving my goals.
I have worked toward facing my fears and taking steps and making plans. But as much as people say the hardest step is the first one, and as hard as it can be, I find that the follow up is even harder. Keeping on the journey is difficult. Especially if you feel like people disapprove of your chosen goal. Whether they do or not really isn't what matters, but rather the perception you have of what they think. And how they might sound like those same voices that were so unsavory before. Even if the same consequences are not on the table anymore. When those consequences have been on the table for so long, it is hard to truly and wholeheartedly believe that they are not.
So I try to do the things I value over and over again. And failure or rather a lack of complete success makes each attempt to face the fear that much harder.
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